My husband Drew and I have two beautiful children, Aaron, 9 who is much older and wiser than his years and Madison, 6 who just loves to giggle and smile at everything. We love having two children, but for both of us, actually all of us, we wanted one more little person in our lives to make it feel complete. We talked about having a third child for quite a while and the ache never really went away for me. After one of my best friends had her third I just felt like maybe it was time to let god decide where our lives would go and just give it a try, so that's just what we did!
On Easter Sunday, March 23, 2008 I woke up early while everyone was sleeping and decided I would try a home pregnancy test since I was a little late. I was at the stage after you wake up where your eyes don't really focus but as I tried to read the test I saw a faint second line appearing and boy my eyes started working then! Just a month after we started trying, I was pregnant and I couldn't wait to share it with everyone. I rushed over to the bed and whispered into Drew's ear that he needed to wake up......his third baby needed him! So of course his eyes opened immediately and we couldn't wait to go wake up the kids. They heard us talking and were both out in the living room before we could go wake them. We let Aaron take a look at the test to see what he could make of it and he immediately knew what it was and starting jumping up and down. Madison just grinned and starting hugging me.....it was such an awesome morning that was only going to get better when we told my family. We were going to church for Easter morning and we got there right as the service was starting so all four of us had to sit next to my parents, knowing that we had to keep the news in until after church. We got my parents and grandparents together afterwards in the sanctuary and handed them their Easter cards but with one difference, there were three kids signatures instead of just two. Everyone was shocked at first but it took about 5 seconds for tears and hugs to start and everyone was so happy for us and we all couldn't stop talking about it.
Things seemed to be going well for the first few months, my due date was Dec. 2 and I had accepted that I would once again be getting my prenatal care from the Naval Hospital, who in the past didn't follow me very closely and hardly ever did ultrasounds, but we were determined to make it fun either way. Well, I am learning that you get what you ask for in life, even though it may not be how you imagined! I was sick for the majority of the first trimester and the Naval Hospital was seeing me every month because of high blood pressure so I was taking every test that they threw my way. They changed my due date a few days to Nov. 30 after the first ultrasound at 10 weeks, but things seemed to be going great. Aaron and Madison got out for the summer and Aaron was going to scout day camp and I received a call from the hospital about my AFP test. The nurse told me that it came back positive for open neural tube defect and they were sending me to Dr. Wright (who I knew already from my friend's pregnancy) and not to worry. So of course the first thing I do is research what my odds were and it seemed like things were in my favor, I took my prenatals about a month before I got pregnant and I was basically healthy with no family history.....so I got an appt for July 3 with the specialist and went in with my hubby and kids to see our little bit on ultrasound with all the support of my friends and family waiting to hear. I laid down on the table and we took a look at the baby and Aaron and Madison were just amazed at this tiny little person (who was 18 weeks along) that was just moving around in there. The ultrasound tech told us it was a girl and Aaron's first reaction was....."Ohhhhh it's little Emma Grace in there!!" We were all so excited and she was moving around in there like crazy. The doc came in and introduced himself, told us the odds involved with the AFP tests and started looking at our little girl.......and then he takes a deep breath.
I'll never ever forget that sound or his face for the rest of my life. He asked the nurse if she could take the kids out front to color and at that point Drew and I knew something major was going on. I just wanted to scream but the doc got really close to both of us and explained that most of the time they don't see anything.....but today......with our baby......they did see something. There, on that tiny little back was a small opening on her spine and I just couldn't make out at that point who he was talking to. It was like he was talking static to me about someone else. He explained that her brain showed the banana sign and again....I felt lost as to what he was talking about. Before I knew it, he was telling me that he normally offers an amnio, but for me he was telling me I needed it and 5 mins later I had a needle in my belly. The entire time I just wanted to get up and run and somehow make all of this go away. Drew was right there holding my hand and all we could do was look at eachother. They gave us the necessary info and we talked with a counselor briefly but they all knew we just needed time for it to sink in. I remember walking out to the car thinking I had stepped into someone else's world and I just wanted back in mine. I get in the car and look at my cell and there are a ton of missed calls from all my support people just wanting to know things were okay......how could we tell them we'd have to make the hardest decision of our lives in the next few days and things weren't okay?? I told a few people but it wasn't until I got my mom on the phone that it hit me and I couldn't make the tears stop. Our plan was to go to my parents house that was a 30 min drive away and somehow escape reality for a little bit. I can't even begin to tell you how hard the next 72 hours of our lives were but somehow my friends and family got us through it in one piece and we started a new week waiting for the lab to call with a tiny sliver of hope.
The amnio that they took was sent off and the first initial test was called a FISH, which is basically a quickie test to look at chromosomes and see if our little girl had anything else going on. We were told if it was something like Trisomy 13 or 18 she wouldn't make it very long after birth and we had until 20 weeks in the state of NC to terminate the pregnancy. While I was scared to death about having a baby born with those complications, I had this little girl starting to kick me inside and reminding me she was in there and both Drew and I knew that terminating would never be an option. We found out on Tuesday, July 8 that her chromosomes looked normal and now we just had to wait on the full amnio to make sure we were in the clear as far as chromosomes go. We took a little vacation to GA with a friend and enjoyed some much needed time together and knew that once we got home we would find out the full amnio test....which I'm happy to say looked great. We were dealing with an open neural tube defect (or Spina Bifida) from what they could see in the amnio results and somehow it just seemed like a small problem to deal with.
Everyone in our family has been so wonderful since we found out about Emma's Spina Bifida and I couldn't have asked for a better support team to help us through all of this. I have my days when I can't understand why my little girl has to deal with this but then I realize that she's in there growing everyday and she will get through this and we will love her just the same. She is truly a miracle and our little family is starting to feel complete......now we just can't wait to get her here!
After seeing her on ultrasound almost every month and visiting the docs at UNC Chapel Hill hospital we know that her lesion is very small on her back and is located very low on the spine(sacral region S1) which is a good thing. She has been growing well and is VERY active in there! She does have what is called Arnold Chiari malformation where her brain is shifted back and is causing some mild hydrocephalus but for now the docs feel like it's borderline. She will be born Nov. 21 by c-section and will have her closure surgery done right after birth and I have to say, I can't wait to see her! It will make all of this longing the see that beautiful face and the fear of the unknown just melt away and our family of 5 can start enjoying life, no matter what the challenges are!
